


Mother...? Is that YOU?!?!

by chocolafied, LunaTheLoneWolf



Series: Crack Creed [2]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Gen, Inspired by Real Events, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 13:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2271981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolafied/pseuds/chocolafied, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaTheLoneWolf/pseuds/LunaTheLoneWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lovely trip to the beach in Constantinople does a 180.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mother...? Is that YOU?!?!

**Author's Note:**

> *Any racial marks are not meant to be taken seriously. If you are sensitive to such, please exit out of this tab/browser.
> 
> Now that the disclaimer is over with, this is more or less what happened when Yusuf and I went to the beach one time with three other friends ^^
> 
> We hope you enjoy!

**Characters in this story:**

* * *

 The high tide in Constantinople was probably one of the worst times to get caught in the water, especially on an overcast day, with the waves sailing in with an unrelenting force and washing up the doctor and Ezio up onto the beach. The brunette spat out sea water and sand with a grimace while she tried wiping the water out of her eyes. Looking up, it seemed that the seagulls’ annoying sounds were almost of mocking laughter directed at her and...where’s Cersa?

“GAH!” a scream came from farther down the beach.

So that’s where she is.

“I fucking hate High Tide!” she went on to complain, followed by some coughing and spitting and a small clam came flying out of the doctor’s mouth. “Never coming down here again, Goddammit!”

Ezio stared at her with narrowed eyes and dragged herself onto her feet, barely able to maintain her balance. “SLAVE!” she hollered as loud as possible. Though many slaves were liberated in the country for a long period of time, the assassin earned some glares and menacing looks from other onlookers at the beach. “WHERE’S MY LEMONADE?!”

The doctor threw her mask off and glared at the assassin thirty feet away from her. It would have seemed more menacing if water hadn’t poured down from the beak to drench her face once more. “GO MAKE IT YOURSELF YOU RACIST PRICK!”

The brunette inhaled sharply through flaring nostrils and flicked her wrist to let her hookblade come out. “BITCH!” Ezio started storming over towards the coughing doctor (irony much?) “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO DRAG YOUR ASS OUT OF THE WATER?” Ezio grabbed Cersa by the soaked fabric of her outfit and hauled her a good few feet in the air. “WHAT GOOD IS A DROWNING SLAVE TO ME?”

Although the assassin talked down at her at times such as these, Ezio would admit that the ~~slave~~  doctor had a killer right hook...and an even better kick to the crotch. And don’t even get her started on when the ~~monkey~~ doctor pounced on top of the assassin and they started rolling around in the sand.

“Bitch!” Ezio yelled and kicked Cersa off of her before rolling on top of her and trying to ring the girl’s neck. The plague doctor on the other hand had her hands blocking the assassin’s desperate attempts to snap her neck...and even bit the woman’s hand. “OW! YOU LITTLE-”

Cersa threw another right hook and the assassin saw stars floating around her head before falling to the side. The doctor got up and started kicking the assassin while she was laying down on her side.

“Hah!” the doctor yelled triumphantly.

Another kick to Ezio’s gut.

“Who’s the ‘Slave’ now, Ezio?” she laughed.

Another low kick.

Just as she was about to throw her third kick, the down assassin used her hookblade to pull the doctor down and elbowed her right in the face with the doctor screaming all the way down. Cersa now had a few scratches across her face, a bloody nose, and a bruised cheek while Ezio had a black eye and a split lip that was still bleeding.

Meanwhile, Yusuf was walking past the beach at that exact moment just in time to see the crowd that was forming. She walked towards the ring that was forming, telling herself it couldn’t be them again. They were just at it a few days ago! Looking slightly above their heads, she saw the sand storm brewing. The Turkish assassin merely stood there for a moment before acquainting her hand with her face. “They’re at it again,” she grumbled. “Why am I not surprised…”

The Turk eyed the crowd once more, smirked while reaching towards a “toy” on her belt and, deeming it a smidge too large, threw a bomb to the side.

“BOMB!” one man in the crowd screamed. And then a whole stampede ran away from the confetti bomb and, not surprisingly, trampled the assassin and the doctor. Killing two birds with one stone, eh?

Yusuf meanwhile fell on her ass and laughed while the large crowd high tailed it away from the “super dangerous and deadly” bomb that just spat out strips of paper and sparklers. As soon as the screaming died down, she walked towards the two causes of the sandstorm, coughing and pulling her headband over her nose and mouth while trying to navigate the “storm”.

“Knew this thing was good for something,” she muttered.

“You bitch!” she heard Cersa screech as another thud collided on the sandy ground a few feet away.

“Maybe if you weren’t so...goddam hard to find at night...I would’ve been able to stop you from falling off of the ship!” Ezio panted while trying to block the doctor’s onslaught of slapping, punching, and stabbing techniques with her syringe.

“Cracker!”

“Shit nugget!”

“Ghost!”

“SLAVE!”

“RACIST PRICK!”

“WOULD THE BOTH OF YOU STOP!” Yusuf screamed.  “OR I WILL TAKE AWAY ALL OF YOUR CHOCOLATE AND LEECHES!” She was here to ask them about certain people, not play Mother goddamnit.

Cersa and Ezio both simultaneously paused and looked over at the Turkish assassin, who was impatiently tapping her foot in the sand while glaring at the two with her arms crossed and her headband being used as a bandana.

“Oh, Yusuf,” the Italian assassin smiled innocently at the bomb-tech.

“Hi, Yusuf,” Cersa offered in greeting with a small smile on her face as well. Were it not for the fact that the pair both had their hands wrapped around the other’s throat and were trying to strangle the other mere seconds ago, Yusuf would’ve believed the innocence they were trying to front.

“I leave you guys for five minutes and this shit breaks out!” Yusuf seethed with quickly reddening eyes.  

Ezio and Cersa swallowed uneasily.

And then the doctor began stumbling towards the bomb-tech. “Mother?”

Yusuf stared at her blankly before opening her mouth, “wat?”

Ezio stumbled up with her. “Don’t be cray-cray, she’s too white to be your mother.”

Yusuf stared at the two for a good, long minute. Then she let out a deep sigh and threw her hands up in defeat. “I am officially done  with this. I am not getting involved with you two and your racist remarks. I only came down here for one reason, and one reason alone.”

Cersa, however, paid no mind to the Turk’s rant and clung onto her while laughing giddily. “Mother, it is you!” she cried cheerfully while proceeding to climb into Yusuf’s arms. “What are you doing here, Mother?” she asked timidly while looking up at her “mother”. “Shouldn’t you be at home with the children while Father is tending to his work in town?”

The Turkish assassin’s eye twitched as she suddenly got an arm full of the doctor. “I’m done,” she stated. And to emphasize this point thoroughly, she held the doctor out and promptly dropped her on her ass with Cersa falling to the ground with the God given grace of a rock. “I am going to turn around and leave you two here to fight each other to your hearts’ content… as soon as you two answer my one question.”

The two looked up at Yusuf with twin expressions that said, “Go on.”

“What happened to Shaun and Rebecca?”

Both girls’ eyes widened as they just remembered the fact that they were supposed to be watching the two tech-geeks.

Before the two could start stumbling over some sort of excuse a roaring noise was growing louder as it approached them. The trio turned around and screamed as a huge wave crashed onto the beach and over Ezio and Cersa. Yusuf tried hard to not laugh at the luck that she didn’t get soaked and the lack of it that the other two were, once more, dripping and coughing up water. She tried not to laugh.

Before the Turk could comment though, she noticed two other large objects by the water.

Unfortunately, the doctor also noticed and ran over to the smaller of the two buried girls. Cersa stood there for a good minute, gawking and looking like an idiot as she studied the body and moved her head the same way a bird would before she kicked her in the side twice. When the unconscious girl didn’t respond, Cersa looked up at the assassins with a childish demeanor and stated, “Horse dead.”

Yusuf’s eyes widened. “YOU TWO KILLED SHAUN AND REBECCA?!”

A cough made them turn their attention to the taller of the two “dead” people. Rebecca rolled onto her back and pointed to the sky shouting, “‘M not dead!” Then she pointed right at the doctor. “And I’m never letting you watch The Lone Ranger again.”

The Turkish assassin released a sigh of relief. “Well at least one of you isn’t dead.”

Rebecca snorted. “Please, neither of us are dead.” She raised a fist higher into the air and let it drop like a rock onto Shaun’s stomach saying, “Wake up Shaun.”

Said tech-geek bolted upright as a stream of salty sea water came out of her mouth.The water stopped streaming of her mouth after a few long seconds, the Brit frowned, dropped her jaw, jumped up and started to run back and forth shrieking with something distinctly red hanging off of her tongue.

Ezio snorted and brought a hand over her mouth, but that only made her muffled laughter uncontrollable as she began laughing and clapping like a small child. Yusuf turned sharply and looked at the mentor with a raised brow. “Chibi caught a Chibi-crab!” the Italian shouted.

At that point, Yusuf stared at the blonde who was screaming "GET THIS THING OUT OF MY MOUTH!" with a sociopathic smile and began heading back to the base, muttering all the way home, “Done, done, so done with this.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ezio: Feedback would be amazing! :D
> 
> Yusuf: Flames will be used to light our campfires and roast our smores on! >:D *plays with matches*
> 
> Ezio: Ah, shit.


End file.
